There are days in my triumph I feel I can I seek the Lord’s presence, then there are days I can’t even bow low enough before Him, today has been a day like that. Walking into prayer I ponder where to even begin? What to say? How to express my heart? Words or no words? The beautiful aspect of God is that He already knows. It’s the effort to seek His presence, God is most interested in. Who do I turn to when my days seem to consume me instead of me conquering them? What is my hidden motivation? Those are the things God is interested in, my blunderings while imperfect are things God can overcome in a whim but my motivation that is a choice God will not interfere with. I go into prayer or repentance as I told my husband to seek redemption and assistance for a better tomorrow.

I feel the distress of carrying the burden of all who seek shelter within my safety net. The weight of such presses into me. To carry something means to support the weight, it can also mean to transport or move the weight. I am constantly shifting the plight of those that need from me. This is a draining task, being called to bear such burdens but especially daunting while my moods  often crumble before me due to the every shifting sea of hormones I face. Still I refuse to believe the sky above me is all grey. I am learning to chase after joy is the most difficult race of my life (but I refuse to quit running after it). Finding jubilation in “carrying” is a wearisome feat. I find that all I can do at times is sit before the Lord with pale worship in hopes He receives it.

Psalm 34:4 I sought the Lord’s help and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.  ⁵ Those who look to him for help are happy; their faces are not ashamed.

Press into worship no matter… unrelenting, persistent, whole-heartedly, with an urgency about it as if it’s a necessity to live because in truth it is. (Do not listen to the voice that says you mustn’t or you cannot because that is the voice that leads you away from God… instead fall on God’s great mercy and empathetic heart, let Him cradle you in His strength and forgiveness, as you seek absolution through Him…then receive His renewing for a new day and a new work.)

Good Night Ladies…

Fall is in the air despite that I live in the deep south and still mid-September there is a humidity you could cut with a knife. School has begun and with it a silent house which tugs at my heart strings a little. One in college that comes and goes from the house like a pop-up storm, one in high school filled with extra-curricular activities, and the youngest a pre-teen that is usually face timing her bestie (although occasionally she allows me to walk her to class despite being in the fifth grade) and me still clawing my way through grad-school, so this is my life. This past summer I had a pretty severe bout of depression or mid-life crisis whichever you want to call it or perhaps both, who knows. Even though God lifted it off of me (because if felt like a heavy weight chained to my chest), I still from time to time feel it raise its nasty little head just to keep track of my movements. In those moments I have to remind myself I was created to experience joy and happiness, I have to remember not to allow the devil to steal those things from me (it’s quite the battle).

The most difficult lesson I am learning as I have entered my forties is to slow down. Slowing down makes you enjoy the season you are in so later in life you can recall all the little details, reminiscing of the golden days. To even write that sentence pains my heart just a little because I don’t want the “golden days” to ever end, sigh but seasons change don’t they? As my heart aches a little for the past summer we just had, I look forward to the holidays that bring family and friends gathering around my table. In my younger days I was not a “people” person, that is I did not enjoy gatherings but as I age the more my heart longs for gatherings, to see people, to hear them, to enjoy their company (this is not the same as the crowd at Walmart or Target in those crowds I sing Jesus take the Wheel). The deeper I fall into God’s love, the more I ask God to help me love people because I can’t do my job for Him if I don’t have a love for the people. It’s a tall order getting this heart of mine to love people but God never backs away from a challenge and He has never met a challenge He can’t conquer!  I don’t know what your schedule looks like or how you are fairing the season changing but I hope you, basket in the joy of the season you are in right now, even if that joy is fleeting, a soft wind that you can barely feel. I hope you soak in the sunshine while it is still here allowing the warmth of God’s creation to fill you inside and outside. I hope you learn to slow down no matter your age and take in all the details of your life (good and bad) knowing one day you will reminisce about them as you recall how they made you stronger, braver, and better skilled at life.

Psalms 131:1… I do not concern myself with great matters or things too wonderful for me.² But I have calmed and quieted myself…I am content.

Contentment is a difficult thing to master because society tells us more is never enough… contentment the main ingredient to form happiness. It can be had in every social economic bracket and is not exclusively for the wealthy or religious. It eludes many but it is my prayer that it will envelope each of you. Happiness bubbling over, rising up within you so that it is contagious to those around you, drenching all that come within your presence with a gladness that they take with them, an ease about you that allows you to feel serenity in satisfaction within the season you are in right now.

Good Day Ladies…