I have not blogged in a long time. I debated on blogging today but I shared this with my circle and they encouraged me that other women needed to read this. Every morning I have center prayer and this is what my heart plead to the Lord today.

Today all I have left are the ashes of my failures from yesterday. I am sewn together by mistakes and failures it seems. All I can lay today in front of You, Lord are ashes and broken pieces with the hopes that You can make something of them. I am not a Phoenix that burns up to be born again nor am I a mirror that has been smashed with no hopes of repair. I am just a girl, some say a woman, but often times I feel like just a girl. A girl still at times full of hope as she embraces the wonders of the universe, chasing after shooting stars, with a wild abandonment in her heart. Yet, many times a woman surrounded by her failures, floundering in the wounds that bind her heart with a trail of silent tears. I pray you soothe my hurt while taking the ashes of yesterday’s fire along with the broken pieces of my mistakes and You create something out of them that will bring You glory, for only You can see the beauty that my soul desperately wants to imitate…

I sent that prayer to my circle in hopes that I wasn’t the only one in mid-life that felt they were struggling… to become what their heart so desperately desires. If you like me are struggling with the ups and downs of life… you are not alone. Through parent fails, lack of patience, out bursts of anger, God loves you and He wants you to learn to love yourself, to see the beauty you hold, the beauty He sees within you. If you are like me, you struggle with that concept, and focus all your energy on your failures instead of what you conquered. If you are like me you are torn between that little girl trying to stay alive and find the wonderment in the world and the adult full of imperfections, tainted by failure, hurt, and pain-barely treading water at times. I pray God takes your hurt and fuels your adventurous spirit to still find the wonderment of His glorious creation that surrounds you, waiting to be explored with enthusiastic eyes and an eager heart to grow and learn, expanding in love, mercy, and compassion.

Deuteronomy 33:12 “The beloved of the Lord shall dwell in safety by Him, Who shelters him all the day long; And he shall dwell between His shoulders.”