Stones Disappear: Dysfunctional Faith

I have been teaching a series called Dysfunctional Families of the Bible because in the church we have a propensity to look at the super heroes of the bible and ignore how they got to be super heroes of faith. I have often heard preachers use a passage from the bible and then point to the congregation accusingly and tell us to be more like that but leaving the audience with little or no encouragement on how to develop faith through our dysfunction. I approach teaching the scriptures a little different.

Today, God moved in my life despite the amount of dysfunction I generate. Today I sat in a hospital room with my husband as he waited to have his second kidney stoned blasted to pieces, my attitude was not the greatest. Not being in control pushes me to become a rather unpleasant person and, in a hospital, you are usually not in control. I was also waiting on news of my uncle as he lay on life support in another state, sure enough as I am sitting in the pre-operating room with my husband (the one you lose all dignity in with the gown, IVs, nurses, etc…), I got the news my uncle had passed. I sat there with deep anxiety knowing my husband was about to go into the O.R. be sedated, intubated, and out of my reach for several hours. October is a rough month for our family, my stepfather passed away six years go in October and my brother in law four years ago in October, and recently my uncle too. My husband sat before me in his vulnerable state, hospital gown, hair net, IVs, medicated patch on, calf compresses, and I thought this is my world sitting before me… Fear crept in. Fear is dysfunctional. Fear is not from God. Fear pushes us out of the comfort of God and whirls us into a tornado of irrational dysfunctional thinking. Fear is consuming if you don’t squash it. I was struggling to squash this fear as emotions kicked in.

Suddenly the room phone rang, handed the phone to my husband, and next thing I know I am being told the stone was gone. This morning x-ray revealed the stone was gone. The big fat stone that was on the x-ray last week, the stone that my husband would not be able to pass, the stone that was putting a crimp in him getting his first class medical renewed as a captain (airline pilot) was gone! Blink, blink. G-O-N-E!!!

In the middle of my dysfunctional life, my internal meltdowns, my weary faith God reached out to me and pulled me into faith. God was seeking me despite my state of mind or my emotional irrationality. God was pursuing to uphold me (let that sink in for a minute, an ordained pastor here, imperfect faith, God covered me, and reached down on my behalf, to raise me out of my silent pit.. what incredible love!). Faith. Faith pulls us into God’s will, faith feeds our spirit, faith feeds us hope, faith renews our heart… Faith enables me to breathe worship… God’s desire is that we develop faith in Him!

I don’t know what you are facing or where you have been. I don’t know if you have a big mess or a small mess, but I do know God is more than enough! Invite Him into your mess and then lean into the hope that only He can bring. Long ago the stone was rolled away… but today the stone vanished, departed as God touched my husband…and (improved)/proved my faith. Never doubt God’s great love for you! Or that He is a personal God with a personal agenda just for you!

Good Afternoon Ladies…

Isaiah 41: 10 Don’t be afraid, for I am with you; don’t be distressed, for I am your God. I give you strength, I give you help, I support you with my victorious right hand.

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Take a Leap

I just wanted to take a minute to tell you that the devil will lie to you and tell you God is not looking for you, that He doesn’t even care about you, that because of your past or maybe your present state God rejects you… That is not true. The devil uses religion to keep people away from God, keeping them down. The devil uses unanswered prayers, hurt feelings, bitterness, anger, etc… to keep you unbelieving in God…but make no mistake God is real, He loves you, and He desires to be connected to you.

Ezekiel 34:11 11 “For thus says the Lord God: Behold, I, I myself will search for my sheep and will seek them out.”

That transfers to the New Testament

Matthew 18:12 What do you think? If any man has a hundred sheep, and one of them has gone astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine on the mountains and go and search for the one that is straying?

Luke 19:10 “For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost.”

1 John 4: 9-10 1 John 4:9-11 In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins.

 If you don’t know Jesus, what are you waiting for? Don’t let religion, a misperception, or people keep you from knowing Him… He is worthy to know and to love… He is worthy of worship, adoration, and commitment. He is not a myth or a nice thought, He is real, His love is real, and His presence is real. Take a chance on Him. You take a chance every time you drive or depend on someone else… You have nothing to lose. Take a leap… jump into faith!

Good Afternoon Ladies…

 

 

 

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Beautiful Myth

In my line of work in ministry, I have come across many misunderstood things, bad teachings, and broken people estranged from God for various reasons. While I try to bridge any gaps that I can repair I am always taken back by such things. Why? Because I see people in low states desperate for healing only God can provide and I want that so badly for them. I want them to experience what I know can happen. I want their walls to tumble down and I want them to drink from the fresh spring of renewing water Jesus has to offer. I want them  to know the eternal love their Savior has for them, just as they are, right there in the state they find themselves in, mess and all. No religion, just relationship.

C.S. Lewis the beloved author of The Chronicles of Narnia thought God was a myth at first, a beautiful myth but nonetheless a myth, the death of his beloved mother at the tender age of nine will do things to a child. Obviously he at some point realized God was not a myth but REAL. What a revelation in his life and one that affects so many still today.

I love C.S. Lewis’ ability to bring fantasy and fairytale alive. Why? Because God is creative, He is not boring and stuffy like He is often thought to be. I think the Bible is full of examples of God’s creativity; thus, we as His creation extend that creativity in the world. I love C.S. Lewis’ creativity and his refusal to give it up but instead used it for God’s glory. I am a hopeless daydreamer. Are any of you? Never give it up! It keeps us young, it keeps us vibrant, it keeps us hoping. Christianity should be full of creative people with vivid imaginations; least I give examples from the Old Testament of people’s creative talent. 😊

I love fantasy, fairytales, and sci-fi. I am constantly in my “own” world thinking and dreaming. My husband calls it ADD, call it what you will I just say I am a hopeless dreamer with dreams to contemplate, hoping they come to life. Life would be boring with no imagination, don’t you think?  C.S. Lewis had this incredible concept that we should view people with what we have in common. Wow… YES! Bridge-the-gap- we are all humans- we all have imperfection in common and need God’s grace to cover us.

So, often we look at people and overlook that there is in fact a common ground between us; we have stuff in common with each other. When we don’t realize that it makes it so hard to bridge the gap and connect. We walk around in a self-righteous busily fluster, drive in a self-absorb manner, and forget to take notice of how we impact those around us. This makes life difficult and frankly just sad. (yep I am guilt of it too… thus the last blog to remind myself to not be a shooting star of a light!)

I don’t know a lot, really, I don’t, but I do know that Jesus was about connecting people, connecting to people, and bridging a way to God the Father… He still desires to do that. Jesus is not a beautiful myth but REAL… He desires to connect to you, heal any and all wounds you have, help clean up your mess, and be the light that illuminates your life.I hope today that you connect to Jesus and know He is not a beautiful myth but that He is REAL and desires to connect with you right now, right where you are…

John 6:38 38 For I have come down from heaven, not to do my own will but the will of him who sent me. John 12:46 (NTL) 46 I have come as a light to shine in this dark world, so that all who put their trust in me will no longer remain in the dark.

I love the song What a Beautiful Name (Hillsong Worship)… one of the lyrics is “You didn’t want heaven without us, So Jesus, you brought heaven down…” It has always been God’s desire to be with His creation, His beloved people. Whatever you are facing, wherever you are at, rain or shine, big or small mountains before you, know that Jesus longs to connect with you! Why? Because He never desired to be parted from you in the first place. Beautiful Myth’s don’t save people, but Jesus does!

Good Morning Ladies!

 

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Shooting Star

The word light has been resonating in my prayer time lately. In the book of Genesis, we read that God separated the light from the dark. You can’t see much in the dark. Have you ever tried to read a book in the dark? It’s difficult. Light does so many things like provide illumination, the ability to grow food, it even affects our hormones, etc.. In the bible light represents good, God’s holiness, God’s grace, God’s eternal love. The old story good and evil.

In the book of Matthew Jesus tells us we are the light of the world. What does it mean to be a light? I think it means we are to remind people that goodness still exists in the world and not to give up. We are to extend God’s love and mercy through grace and as the Apostle Paul told us in Galatians 6 not to grow weary of doing good. Which can be extremely difficult at times. Good is hard, I am not going to lie. There are just times good is so challenging.

So often I find I am like a shooting star, that is my light is but for a fleeting moment, and then it fizzles out. Unfortunately a shooting star doesn’t stay around long enough to illuminate people’s lives. We are not called to be passing lights but lights that are stationary in this world, lights that bring illumination of God’s great love for all people. Lights that bring truth and clarity. So, when I find myself getting frustrated albeit in traffic, in the checkout line, or a large crowd of people I have to remind myself to not be a shooting star but to hover and illuminate where I am at. (the struggle is real)

As a shooting star I can’t really reach people but if I am a light that hovers as a constant, then I may just reach someone.

Mathew 5:14 14 “You are the light of the world…” We are called to be light because Jesus is light. John 8: 12 Again Jesus spoke to them, saying, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

i believe we are called to be a stationary light not a comet racing through the day or a shooting star passing by, people only get a glimpse at. We are called to be a “spillage” of light… overflowing, bubbling forth, rays of hope, bundles of helping hands, and bouquets of smiling faces… that is light…  ( and yes it can be incredibly difficult but desperately needed)

Good Afternoon Ladies!

PS. Sometimes we need reminding to not get so caught up in putting someone in their place as much as extending God’s grace. Try not to leave a person in the darkness, illuminate in their life until they walk in the light, as believers don’t give up, don’t take to flight, don’t let fright or frustration win, burn bright with all your might. Which means don’t be a shooting star flying, fleeting about for only a moment. You were called into perpetual illumination.

 

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The Struggle is Real

Sometimes in our struggle to see our worth we lose our ability to recognize that we were wonderfully made out of a perfection that cannot and does not need to be added too. Everything we need lies within us to achieve what God places in front of us. Sometimes during that struggle, we lose our ability to empathize with others and we forget to drink from the well of kindness and compassion called common decency and common courtesy because we are too consumed with our failures and what will not be be. During this haze we lose sight of everyday ordinary miracles that take place around us because we expect God to reveal Himself in over the top performances.  God does not perform for us; for, He is not a performing God. When He doesn’t perform for us we feel one of two things 1. Either we must of failed and are not worthy of His help or 2. We feel abandoned by Him…

Neither is correct for He is grace and faithful, never will He abandon us- this has nothing to do with a performance but everything to do with His great love toward us. A performance is about a presentation, at times we become so focused on God’s presentation to us that we forget He is walking along side of us; thus, there is no time for a presentation. Why? He is in the trenches of everyday life with us conducting everyday ordinary miracles to sustain us where we are at. Why? Life is hard! Life is difficult! Life is challenging! Life is not all roses BUT it is has the potential to be fantastic, brilliant, and breathtaking and God wants that for us so He is remains in the trenches with us.

Lately I feel as though I am just treading water, if you know what I mean. I have had to stop and ask myself is this a midlife crisis? Is this just my wacky hormones? The struggle is real lately. The struggle to hear God’s voice. The struggle to see God in everyday life. The struggle to see if I am making a difference in others and for others. The struggle to be kind and compassionate. The struggle is real lately, maybe I am alone, I don’t know. But I look at some of my mentors, some of the women I want to be like (even at 41 I still want to be like certain people when I grow up) and I feel like I have missed it, that I am lacking something, and I just get deflated. I tread barely above water. What to do? Who to turn to? Who will truly understand? Sigh… The struggle is real. The sadness has been real. The depression and anxiety have been real. Again the struggle is real.

People fail because people are human and they are not perfect (me included). So the one person I know I can count on day or night, rain or shine, any and all hours… that is who I turn to and I wait, I wait on Him to answer and direct me. This makes the waiting the hardest part (Tom Petty fan yes I am).

 

Psalms 121: I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come? My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth…

I blog when I feel I have something to give and lately I have felt like I have nothing to give, I am just being honest on here. It’s hard not to compare what I perceive as a lack of success to my peers that are immensely full of success… at times it will knock the breath out of my heart and shake my stamina but I was taught to get back up and get back in the ring to which I have always done but lately it just seems more difficult. I turn to the scriptures for support. I love King David because David knew how to minister to himself and he did. I take his que and have learned to do that but it is not always easy. The devil loves to tear down our self-confidence and self-worth; thus, our meaning and purpose in life…leaving us flailing in our own self-pity of a pit saying woe is me. In the church we have a tendency to romanticize Christianity but being a Christian is anything but… we like to create this idea that Christianity is all sugar plums and sweetness but it is not. There is hurt, pain, and loss in Christianity… we struggle… sugar and spice and everything nice so the saying goes… oh that spice doesn’t always bring something nice… the struggle is real.

I don’t know if you are treading water, if you are flailing about in your own pit, or if you are in a grand place in life surrounded by blissful contentment- whatever place you are in I leave you with this scripture for the week.

Psalm 139: 14 I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well…. no matter the rain falling on me I believe I was made for a purpose as I believe you were made for a purpose… emotions, feelings, experiences, hormones, etc… cannot take that from me, so I cling to the concept, I wrap my myself up in the idea I can make a difference and bridge a gap for someone to the Lord. the struggle is real.

Good Afternoon Ladies…

PS. Romans 9:17… “For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.” I believe we each have a calling that God’s extreme grace might be displayed through our life, that His goodness revealed to the world through us and because of that we will struggle; for the darkness wants to over shadow the light but it cannot.  Even in the midst of the darkest nights the twinkling of the stars still shine on… We may fight to light our night sky but come what may near dawn will appear renewing of our strength for another day to press beyond.

The struggle may be real but greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world…

 

 

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Frustration & Forgiveness

These last few days have had a lot of Ups and Downs. I feel like for the last few weeks I have kept myself hostage to the past. Do you know what I mean? I have a desire for a releasing in my life to not be a hostage any more to my pain. Emotional pain, emotional baggage, (although my knee is hurting pretty bad right now too, the perks of running 25 miles a week for too long, no I don’t run any more that’s my ADD side note).

Have you ever let a person in and tried really hard to build a relationship with them only to realize they never really valued your effort? Over and over you attempted to build something with them and then you realized it was just crumbling. It leaves you with a frustrated mess of needing to forgive and move on.

So, the question then becomes how do I get out of this place of hurt? It’s always so difficult to let go of emotional pain, don’t you think? In fact, sometimes our emotional pain becomes our agenda of sorts. I can’t speak for you only for myself; I am not a person that fakes it very well. If there is an issue between us, you will know it because I like to hash it out, analyze it from every angle, have a GOOD fight, then move on. I have to tell you exactly how I feel in order to move on.

I think I have confused forgiveness and frustration for the same thing but they are not. I have remained frustrated with some people in my life which lead me to a road of anger that fed my rage. This combination kept me from forgiveness; thus, the need for a releasing in my life to not be a hostage in the ugly cycle of emotional upheaval. Honestly, I am just tired of my heart hurting and staying in that hurt place. Do you know what I mean? It’s like a bad tooth you keep wiggling over and over again.

Healing for me begins with Jesus, not to sound “cliché” but it’s the truth. When I eventually let Jesus into that mess, I feel better. Which usually leads me to a place where I learn to love people (including myself). Love brings a releasing into our lives; so, for me I am no longer held hostage to anger, rage, frustration, and unforgiveness. It doesn’t mean life is perfect or we have to allow certain people back in our lives but it means we don’t have to be tethered to the burden of living in the past, the past that caused so much hurt. It means I can move forward not backwards and I want to go forward!

I can honestly say for the first time I truly “get” that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person but solely myself. It’s about me not holding myself hostage any more to living in the past and the possibility of my heart getting stomped on again. We are not meant to be chained to the past, we don’t have to stay in that hurt. In Psalms 121 King David says “where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord…” David was a man that understood pain, especially emotional baggage- he had a lot of hurt. I have learned when I try to do it on my own, I always fail and my mess just becomes bigger and out of control… thus the last couple of weeks (living with me was not for the faint of heart). Regrouping can just be so taxing.

Throughout the New Testament Jesus was healing people we get caught up in the miraculous that defied nature (the raising of the dead, etc…) but God is not just concerned with our physical healing, He is most concerned with our emotional healing which directly impacts our spiritual welfare. Jesus always lead people to redemption, unshackling them from their heavy emotional burdens and He still does.

Psalms 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

I hope you experience a releasing this week of whatever it is you need freed from: rage, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, etc… It is my prayer you feel the comfort that only Jesus can bring when we are sitting in our own emotional mess alone and frustrated.

Good Evening Ladies

PS. Happy Fall

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