Feeling Failure (Monday on Wednesday)

Today felt like a Monday even though it was a Wednesday. Do you ever have that happen? As a Christian woman, it is always important to me to attempt to display God’s goodness throughout the day. So often people want to display God’s judgment but that was never our commission nor our responsibility. I am not interested in displaying judgment as much as I am God’s goodness. I am reading 1 Samuel, I love 1 & 2 Samuel, it’s some of my favorite books of the bible. I’ve read them many times and each time I want so badly to identify with King David but always in the end I sadly find myself identifying with the ways of King Saul more and more. Oh, I love the Lord and seek Him in most things that I do but inevitably I find myself falling into that “self” mode which usually knocks me right off the path of seeking God. King Saul was chosen and anointed for a specific task- lead Israel as their first king. He did okay at first but eventually he became plagued with “self” which kept him from seeking God. There are many things that he did, too many to talk about without breaking into a sermon so in the simplest terms he became fixated on himself rather than God. The bottom line is he stop seeking the Lord. David though as misfit as he was sought the Lord in every situation. If he sinned he sought the Lord, if he was singing he sought the Lord, if he was in battle he sought the Lord!

Today has been one of those days were I just feel like a big failure. Ever have those days? I opened my mouth when I should have kept it shut, I lost my patience countless times, and I dare say my temper raised its ugly head at least once. Why? I was focused on me and not the Lord. What I love about God is that He loves me regardless of those ugly days; those days I lose my focus on Him and get side tracked on “me.” Today was one of those days I felt like I was a fish out of water kind of floundering around trying to catch my breath. When I finally got still and went into prayer I’d like to tell you I had some magical encounter with the Lord where I drank in His presence but that did not happen. I sat and sat, finally I began to breathe trying to focus my mind on prayer but all I could do was ask Him to let me breathe Him in, just let me breathe You in Lord, let me breathe… You… in… Sometimes when life is busy (and it always is) and the day has been hectic, chaos at every corner and your focus is on “you,” you have to get still before the Lord and seek Him. Yes, I used some bad words, yes, I lost my patience, no I do not feel worthy to sit in the presence of the Lord but He beckons me too… And He beckons you as well. Saul stopped seeking the Lord, he kept going through religious motions but he was not really seeking the Lord. I do not want to be like King Saul going through the motions with an empty heart. No. I pray the Lord will pour into me and repair every damaged area, I pray the Lord will steady my vision on Him. King Saul wasted his anointing. He lost his focus on the Lord and it had devastating effects. I don’t know about you but I don’t want anything to hinder my focus on the Lord. Tomorrow is a new day with new promises and new beginnings until then. Good Night Ladies…