Sitting here this morning reading about Miriam (Moses sister). The grumblings. Do you ever grumble at God? At your family? At your co-workers? I have to admit I am not a very easy person to live with myself, grumblings are frequent, too frequent in this household. Miriam began to grumble against her brother Moses, this in itself is not a peculiar thing as brothers and sisters grumble quite a bit at each other or at least my children do. I was reading about Miriam’s grumblings and I was struck with conviction. Miriam made it about herself, she took her eyes off the bigger picture God was creating and let ego make an appearance. There is a theme building up; Self doesn’t equal God. And yet I find myself in “self” mode all too often… sigh. Miriam was a leading woman among the people of Israel, she was quite capable of helping lead the masses and she did it well. I don’t identify with her singing and dancing, her joy (I wish I did). I of coarse being me identify with her blunder, her screw-up, her grumblings. I identify with her sorrow for opening her mouth when she shouldn’t have and I identify with her need for repentance.
Yesterday I began the task of cleaning my bedroom (I had been on vacation for 12 days and sadly made it back home) and being home for five days I had not yet unpacked; to be honest my room was a total disaster. So, as I am cleaning up coffee mugs, children’s books, random children’s clothing and toys that somehow ended up in my room, etc… I was reminded that as there is a need to “clean up” in our physical world there is a need to “clean up” in our emotional world. (then I was reading on Miriam this morning like double whammies.) I don’t know about you but I hold on to emotional baggage like its silver not gold but silver, silver is good and I like it, shiny and pretty with some bling-bling on it plus its affordable- just sayin .
Anyway, I hate this bad habit because it breeds bitterness. I will tell myself to let go, move on and stop thinking about it and while I can eventually stop thinking about it, I inevitably do not let it go. I pack it nice and neat in one of the rooms in my mind and I shut the door ever so softly that nobody realizes it is still there. Then when I have a need I just take it out and bam! Miriam reminds me a little like that…whatever issue it was that she had tucked away made its appearance again and bam! I hate emotional baggage, it gets so tiring carrying it. Why can’t we just drop it off at someone’s house? Wouldn’t that be great, oh hey nice to see ya again thanks for the cup of coffee, oh and here, here is hundred pounds of my emotional crap I’m leaving with you, bye.
The honest truth is that Miriam was operating out of prejudice and ego when she spoke against Moses. Miriam really needed a good cleaning out of her emotional closet. I so totally identify with Miriam, needing a good cleaning out of my own emotional closet. To be honest I am fairly good at purging my clothing closet and getting rid of stuff that I don’t use or wear any more but that emotional closet that is a tough one. I like it the way it is and its real work cleaning it out.
As a Christian, I am not supposed to hold on to stuff that is displeasing to the Lord. Stuff like ego, bitterness, jealousy, anger, etc… And that is why it’s important to do an emotional cleaning, cleaning the emotional closet of our heart and mind. Facing stuff, we have avoided, coming to terms with stuff we don’t want to, and truly letting stuff go… as a woman that is difficult. We have to let go of the things that bind us spiritually and emotionally because it is those things that cause the most pain in our life, hindering us from growing.
I completely believe had Miriam gone to God and just laid her heart out before Him with all her “issues,” He would have helped her overcome them. God’s desire for us is to be overcomers, conquerors living in victory. In order to do that we have to get honest with ourselves and honest before God. Honesty is sometimes painful especially if we are taking a good long look at ourselves because to often we just like to focus on other people’s issues and not our own if we are truthful.
When my children were little we used to sing the clean-up song. Remember that song? “clean-up, clean-up everybody, everywhere is cleaning, clean-up, etc…” Maybe none of this applies to you, you are emotionally fit and healthy I celebrate you! To be honest I consider myself that too until I was hit with Miriam this morning and then I remember my Tuesday failings and grumblings but overall, I consider myself pretty emotional fit and stable. (Even fit people need to occasionally do a new assessment on workouts, diet, goals, etc.…)
This morning I invite the Lord to search my heart and mind, it is my prayer that His light shine in every room of my mind and that He will walk down every corridor in my heart, leaving no closet un-assessed, that there will be nothing hidden. Good Morning Ladies!