If my life were a movie scene right now it would be Molly Ringwald and Michael Anthony Hall in Sixteen Candles… “Its physically impossible for me to get happy.” I have been quoting that line for the last few weeks. Yes, we are big quoters in this family… (I am aware quoters is not a real word.) O-o
I don’t know how you have been feeling but lately I have been in a pretty ugly funk. It’s the kind of funk brought on by several factors: hormones (rage, cry, etc…), a mid-life crisis of sorts, and not having a church home at the moment. The hormones are a wreck in themselves and I eat pretty keto and when I don’t I am eating low carb -high fat that means no sugar, no processed foods, no wheat/gluten. I say this because diet can cause all kinds of issues but mine is pretty clean. Mid-life crisis, the usual I am restless (which I know is not from God), I would love to move back to my home town but I am tethered to my current city so my kids can finish school or the majority of them (one is in college, one in high-school, one in middle school). My home town has changed so much that we almost feel like nomads, gypsies without a home base when go visit. I feel isolated and alone, do you ever feel that way? Everyone is busy with their lives, life is hectic and rushed. I am one of those people that is like send me an invite but you know I am not going to attend. I just need to know you still care through the invitation- ha! I look at people with pep in their step and I am like if only, how do they stay so peppy? How do they remain in joy? I feel like I am over here drowning. Drowning in life changes that are occurring to me (via hormones), drowning in a probable mid-life crisis, drowning in not knowing exactly what God is saying to me, what direction He is sending me in. AHHHHH…. It’s enough to make me want to eat a big fat sundae or down a bottle of wine… but really it means I need to head into prayer. FUNK… and it’s not the Uptown Funk that features Bruno Mars… I wish! You know that feeling of “blah” you don’t really want to participate, you don’t really want to stay home, you don’t really want to do anything but you want to do something, have some kind of variation in life. What’s a girl to do when she needs a transformation in her life? Here is what I’d like to say: there are going to be times your family and friends are too busy for you not because they don’t love you but because life in today’s world is a whirl of blur on most given days. There will be times in your life you feel let down, alone, and even confused; in those moments you have to keep moving forward. Forward as in advancing onward, propelled ahead from the last the step you made. Those steps are so hard to make in silence, alone, and sometimes running on empty (Jackson Brown). The last month has been a very difficult one for me: anxiety has been high, depression was lurking around, and the rage (ah the rage that bubbles up at times)… also the uncertainty about what God was/is doing in my life… pair this was restlessness and a mid-life crisis and you have the perfect recipe for a forty something meltdown.
I like the way The Message bible (commentary) has Romans 8: 25 All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance… 26-28 Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves….
The Apostle Paul goes on to say in Romans 8: 37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.
Despite what I am going through or how alone I feel, or whatever may be happening within me I know that I am really never alone, I know that I can always go to Jesus no matter the day or time. I love that the Apostle Paul encourages us to remember we were created to be champions. A conqueror overcomes, defeats, and masters. Sometimes the hardest battle to overcome is within… You are not alone, we are all battling something.
Psalms 77:14 You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the people. I marvel at that verse. God displays His power among the people… that is incredible when you really look at people. What love, what compassion, what forgiveness, and what encouragement God has for us! God is personal in nature, desiring to be part of our messy, loud, unkempt lives… to display His love through incredible displays of affection. Even when I don’t know, I trust that God does know and has a plan… especially in my hormonal, stormy, out of control temper, mid-life crisis life.
Good Afternoon Ladies!