A little depression

It is quiet in my house this morning which means two things: 1. My kids are still sleeping and 2. The Thug has decided to stay in his pen despite that it’s open.

It’s August and I can feel the quietness of the house settling in as we prepare for school to begin. This has been a very busy summer but it has been one of our best summers. We’ve had cousins stay with us, dinner parties, beach time, late summer night swimming in the pool, friends over, and the list could go on. Despite all the “fun-ness” I can feel the ebb of sadness begin to flow, like a tide. At this stage in my life I usually chalk it up to hormonal imbalance because I am forty and have started perimenopause or so I believe.

 I don’t know about you but throughout my life l have dealt with mild depression and anxiety. It’s been a while since I’ve dealt with true depression thank the Lord because those are dark times, I won’t lie in those dark times I have thought about death and I would cry out to the Lord, please take this from me, it’s too much to bear. No matter the situation or my desperation the Lord was there, it does not mean He put me there but that He was there to help me climb out.

As Christians, we aren’t supposed to talk about that kind of stuff because there is this false stigma that we are supposed to be happy non-stop, joyful, full of bliss- that is a bunch of gibberish non-sense. One of my favorite people of the bible is Elijah. (yeah, I do like the OT, I am a nerd like that) Elijah was a mighty prophet for the Lord, great and wonderful things he did for God but at the heart of that mighty prophet was a man with fear, anxiety, and depression… he wasn’t immune to the sufferings of an emotional heart and mind. Oh, religious people would like you to think so but it isn’t true.

In 1 Kings 19, Elijah, finds himself running for his life, his faith had been depleted and he ended up in the desert to die. At this point Elijah is depressed, anxious, and worn-out. So, he tells God to just kill him. I love that God showed up and showed out (even if you aren’t a believer it’s a great rescue story). After giving Elijah, a pep talk and some provision, Elijah is instructed to go wait on Mount Horeb…

This is my favorite part because three things occurred on that mountain: fire, wind, and an earthquake but God wasn’t in those things. So, often in life we get ourselves into these trenches and we want God to show up in some flashy way. In fact, we often times will look for over the top signs that God is around… and here is one of my favorite bible verses about God… 1 Kings 19:12… After the fire, there was a soft whisper.

A soft whisper, a gentle voice, a soothing sound that was the Lord! He was not in the harsh wind, or the damaging earthquake, or the consuming fire (God can certainly be all those things and more) BUT… He was a soft whisper to this old prophet’s ears. I won’t break down the word soft but it has many different meanings one being forgiving. God had and has a forgiving voice… blink, blink… that is huge to me… a forgiving voice!

But I love the picture this paints of God He is loving and tender with this old, worn-out, cranky, depleted man… I love this story because it gives us insight into the people God uses and they are not always happy, joyful, and full of blissfulness. Nope, they like us deal with fear, anxiety, sadness, and even depression. They get themselves into trenches and need assistance getting out… That comforts me and I hope it comforts you… lets tune our ears so we can hear that soft whisper today… Good Morning Ladies!

PS. I think people have a tendency to read that and gloss over the fact that God was a soft whisper, they get caught up in Elijah being taken to heaven in a fiery chariot. While that is mind-blowing it doesn’t bring me comfort what brings me comfort is how God reacted to His servant Elijah when Elijah lost all hope and gave up. God reacted with gentle kindness and concern, not harsh judgment.