I tossed and turned last night beyond 1am the product of two things: 1. anxiety and 2. An over active mind (fed by anxiety). So many little things can trigger my anxiety but last night was the making of two ingredients one being hormones (mid-life at times sucks) and two the movie my husband and I watched on our date yesterday. I rarely venture into the movie theater any more but we both wanted to see the same movie while in the theater (rare indeed). It was not my usual genre of happy-pappy but a suspense movie, some violence, a few thrilling moments, and an investigation… I don’t do well with the violence; you can throw in some thrill, mystery, magical-ness but violence and my heart just sinks. Anyway, this led to my anxiety which led to late night tears, a hurting heart, and over active thoughts which took me to the couch so I didn’t wake my sleeping husband.
In the middle of that mess last night I heard God say to me “Why didn’t you come to me so I could comfort you?” There I was on the couch, in the dark, tears falling, my thoughts running, my heart hurting with emotion, and the God of the universe was asking why I didn’t come to Him so He could comfort me… (blink, blink, blink as I stare in wonder).
A lot has been taught about God, a lot has been taught incorrectly, a lot correctly but the one thing I know of God is that He is personal- PERSONAL. He is not some far away God, some star catcher that likes to peep in on His creation every now and then. Nope. He desires to be in the thick of our messy lives.
In 1 Kings 17 we are introduced to one of my favorite prophets of the bible- Elijah. I love Elijah! He is crabby, confrontational, old, sarcastic, and he had great wit about him. He has real gumption for the Lord and I admire it! In 1 Kings 17 a devastating drought is about to take place and the Lord gives Elijah specific instructions to go hangout by a brook where there is water and ravens will bring him provision. Pretty wild, isn’t it? I know people don’t usually think of stuff like that being in the bible, the stuff fairy tales are made of like; C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia or J.R. Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings but it is… 🙂
When I read passages like that in the bible it assures me that God cares about my sustenance: emotionally, physically, and spiritually. This does not mean I will not go through difficult times, trying times, times that stretch my faith but it means when I am crying in the middle of the night, I am not alone. I can hear someone saying what about all the poverty, starvation, and incurable diseases people suffer with? Does He see them too? My answer to that is yes He does.
When I was a very young woman, I dated a very older man that had no faith (my life is colorful), and he asked me one day “if God is real then why do people suffer?” This was a difficult question for a 20 year old to answer but my faith was not shaken as I said “I don’t know I just know He doesn’t create suffering”.
As a Christian, I believe sin has polluted the world and through sin bad things are birthed; things that God never desired to occur. Yes, He is powerful enough to stop it all but He also gives us a freedom of choice. We have the choice to walk with Him and be part of the solution or to not walk with Him and refuse to be part of resolution. I read a book once that said don’t just pray about the starving person, feed them! SMACK in my face!
You can either help change the world for the better and extend God’s goodness by allowing Him to move through you or you can stand there with your arms crossed; ticked off at the world’s problems and blame God for all your issues. It’s a freedom of choice. He is a God of choice not a tyrant. He is a GOOD God. Faith does not follow logic…
Getting back on subject, I was not alone on the couch in the middle of the night and I am never alone. Elijah was not alone by the brook and you don’t have to be alone in whatever it is you are going through.
Deuteronomy 31: 6 “Be strong and courageous! Do not fear or tremble before them, for the Lord your God is the one who is going with you. He will not fail you or abandon you!”
I love that scripture. The Israelites were losing their beloved leader Moses (who was over a 100 years old) and heading into the unknown promise land where they’d battle, war, and settle down. I identify with that, I battle anxiety, I war against myself, but I settle down in the comfort of the Lord. God encourages them, He assures them He will not leave them. This is of great importance to me. When I was a little girl my dad would act like he was leaving us, he’d drive off, then stop, we’d approach the car, he drive off again… I still have PTSD from this ask my husband. He has to give me the keys or his phone if he goes to the bathroom when we’re out so I know he won’t leave me (it deeply troubles him too). BUT, BUT- I know God will never leave me! I have to soak in that realization A LOT…
Again, in Matthew 28 Jesus assures us that He is always with us, He never leaves us as orphans. This means we never have to be alone. The world does a good job at isolating us and I won’t even get into what the devil does. I don’t know what you’re dealing with if it’s depression, anxiety, or something else… as for me I have anxiety at times. Anxiety is a disquieting of your mind, emotional state, and soul. It is a fear that is not ready to be put into words because it is different for each person. It is a darkness that tries to overwhelm you, squeezing until you can’t breathe any more.
I have tired many different medications for it but in the end for me what soothes my psyche the best is calling out to the Lord. As the Israelites were fleeing from the Egyptians, running toward their freedom Moses said in Exodus 14: 14 The Lord will fight for you, and you can be still.” THE LORD WILL FIGHT FOR YOU… sip on that for a minute. When is the last time you had someone fight for you? Stand up for you? Make you feel like you were the most important person in their world? You need to meet Jesus…
We try so hard to fight our battles in silent discouragement, trudging through the muck and mire of our solitude alone, thinking we have to do this ourselves, to prove something, with the mind-set it strengthens us to go solo into our battles… BUT we don’t, I don’t and you don’t have to march solo into combat.
The battle wasn’t Israel’s alone and the battle isn’t yours alone. I will close with one scripture…
2 Chronicles 12: …15 For the battle is not yours, but the Lord’s. You are not meant to be parted from God…You were created for Him, He delights in you, His love for you is immeasurable… He will fight your battles with you… you-are-not-alone.
Good Afternoon Ladies…