These last few days have had a lot of Ups and Downs. I feel like for the last few weeks I have kept myself hostage to the past. Do you know what I mean? I have a desire for a releasing in my life to not be a hostage any more to my pain. Emotional pain, emotional baggage, (although my knee is hurting pretty bad right now too, the perks of running 25 miles a week for too long, no I don’t run any more that’s my ADD side note).
Have you ever let a person in and tried really hard to build a relationship with them only to realize they never really valued your effort? Over and over you attempted to build something with them and then you realized it was just crumbling. It leaves you with a frustrated mess of needing to forgive and move on.
So, the question then becomes how do I get out of this place of hurt? It’s always so difficult to let go of emotional pain, don’t you think? In fact, sometimes our emotional pain becomes our agenda of sorts. I can’t speak for you only for myself; I am not a person that fakes it very well. If there is an issue between us, you will know it because I like to hash it out, analyze it from every angle, have a GOOD fight, then move on. I have to tell you exactly how I feel in order to move on.
I think I have confused forgiveness and frustration for the same thing but they are not. I have remained frustrated with some people in my life which lead me to a road of anger that fed my rage. This combination kept me from forgiveness; thus, the need for a releasing in my life to not be a hostage in the ugly cycle of emotional upheaval. Honestly, I am just tired of my heart hurting and staying in that hurt place. Do you know what I mean? It’s like a bad tooth you keep wiggling over and over again.
Healing for me begins with Jesus, not to sound “cliché” but it’s the truth. When I eventually let Jesus into that mess, I feel better. Which usually leads me to a place where I learn to love people (including myself). Love brings a releasing into our lives; so, for me I am no longer held hostage to anger, rage, frustration, and unforgiveness. It doesn’t mean life is perfect or we have to allow certain people back in our lives but it means we don’t have to be tethered to the burden of living in the past, the past that caused so much hurt. It means I can move forward not backwards and I want to go forward!
I can honestly say for the first time I truly “get” that forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person but solely myself. It’s about me not holding myself hostage any more to living in the past and the possibility of my heart getting stomped on again. We are not meant to be chained to the past, we don’t have to stay in that hurt. In Psalms 121 King David says “where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord…” David was a man that understood pain, especially emotional baggage- he had a lot of hurt. I have learned when I try to do it on my own, I always fail and my mess just becomes bigger and out of control… thus the last couple of weeks (living with me was not for the faint of heart). Regrouping can just be so taxing.
Throughout the New Testament Jesus was healing people we get caught up in the miraculous that defied nature (the raising of the dead, etc…) but God is not just concerned with our physical healing, He is most concerned with our emotional healing which directly impacts our spiritual welfare. Jesus always lead people to redemption, unshackling them from their heavy emotional burdens and He still does.
Psalms 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
I hope you experience a releasing this week of whatever it is you need freed from: rage, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, etc… It is my prayer you feel the comfort that only Jesus can bring when we are sitting in our own emotional mess alone and frustrated.
Good Evening Ladies
PS. Happy Fall
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