Feeling failure has become one of the themes in my life. Failure is defined as the opposite of success, the omission of an expected action, or a collapse/ crash. I had a parenting collapse tonight with my nineteen year old son when attempting to point out the “lacking” in his lawn chores. It ended up with voices raised and me eventually using some not so nice language. Parenting fail. Christian fail. Leadership fail. Failure all around on my part which prompted an immediately apology on my behalf to my son. In my previous post I said some days are just hard to smile, today is a day like that and I have no excuse. I have a blissfully blessed life that allows me to do most things my heart desires. I have no right to have days where it’s difficult to smile, there are people starving throughout the world, people without the basic necessities of life and great need in the world. That is what my brain tells me… you don’t have an excuse to be moody, to be grouchy, to have bad days. Still, I find myself in prayer with great need, great longing to be forgiven, to be raised up out of this cantankerous pit, this mess I have made. Oh, the gentle nature of the Lord’s presence, it is what I seek when I enter into prayer as I begin to apologize to Him for my behavior and lack of imperfection.
I am so grateful I live under grace and not the law. I’d never make it under law. NEVER. Funny, yesterday I thought I did a good job, taking my mother in law to appointments, supporting friends and family in extra curriculum activities, stepping out of my comfort zone, soothing little ones through thunderstorms…but today was the exact opposite. It doesn’t change my love for the Lord, it doesn’t change the Lord’s love for me, nor does it change my statue in Lord’s eyes…but it does reveal my great dependence on Him to be effective on a daily basis.
I don’t know how your Saturday has gone but I hope no matter how it’s been you know you can seek resuscitation in the Lord. The only redeeming thing about failure is knowing that resuscitation is not far away when I invite the Lord into my mess. One thing I have learned throughout the years is that I will worship Jesus in the calm and I will worship Him in the storm. I will worship Him on the days I feel successful and I will worship Him on the days I feel failure. The key is worshipping Him no matter how I feel. (even with green eggs and ham- just a little humor because laughter is all around good medicine)
Sometimes I don’t even know how to go to the cross…all I can I do is hang my head and fall on God’s great mercy. In those moments He tenderly picks me up and reminds me of who I am…and how loved I am… I will worship no matter what my emotions say because He is always worthy of my worship regardless of the state I am in.
Psalms 108: I am determined, O God!
I will sing and praise you with my whole heart….
Good Evening Ladies…
PS. no matter the state you find yourself in, worship the Lord, and He will bring revival, recovery, restoration… no failure is able to hinder the Lord’s love for you!