Sometimes in the roaring of my life I get a glimpse of how unworthy I am but YOU, Lord never make me feel that way. You embrace me regardless of how many flaws that keep revealing themselves. Despite that I am covered in scabs, wounds, blemishes; thus, so many scars… scars of misunderstanding, scars of being unlovable, scars of being untouchable, scars of being non-teachable… You gently tend to me despite my kicking and screaming.
Sometimes I see my shadow following me and I am reminded of where I come from…so much unworthiness of Your goodness, Your tenderness, Your patience, Your love. There are days I sing of your love, days I can only sit in Your presence but like Moses I dare not lift my eyes to You the Holy One, days I cry out to You, days I argue with you like Jacob wrestling with You in my own secret desert, the dry place of my life that makes me parched for renewing, and days I find myself walking in the wilderness, the wasteland of regret and sorrow, a barren place that yields no fruit but You always find me, You never stop pursuing me.
I will not remain in things of the past, things of yesterday, I will not be defined by my shadow or consumed by the wilderness, I will press forward with all my might, fighting against the angry waves of a broken, hurting world, the very things the devil would drown me with: anxiety, depression, doubt, fear, pain, uncertainty, and loneliness… No, within my fight to thrive I will remember I am loved because You have loved me with an everlasting love that is unbreakable and forever binding. A thousand suns couldn’t compare to Your light in my life, the warmth that sustains me but never consumes, the fire that illuminates the way but never devours me.
I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.
Good Evening Ladies…
Jeremiah 31: …3 the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you. 4 Again I will build you (up)….